On Monday M and I will celebrate our one year wedding anniversary. I know it’s cliché, but it really has gone incredibly fast. Some days, marriage is easy. Others, we really have to work at it. This week, my Five for Friday is all about the five biggest lessons I’ve learned in our first year of marriage:
1. Marriage is harder than you expect. Even though we lived together before we got married (which I highly recommend), the first few months of marriage were hard. I don’t know what it was specifically, but, I didn’t feel like we really hit a groove again until 6-8 months. Maybe it was the fact that we were no longer working on a shared project (planning the wedding) and were suddenly individuals working together on the rest of our life that threw me off kilter. But, to me, we felt off. Luckily, we hit our stride and we’re stronger than ever.
2. I’m not perfect. (Neither is he). I leave piles of “stuff” everywhere. He could do with out 99% of my yoga/pajama pants (ie, my entire wardrobe). My hair does not always look great when I wake up. I sleep with my mouth open most of the time. I say “um hum” too frequently on the phone. I internally stress when the house isn’t clean enough, the errands aren’t run and dinner doesn’t turn out as well as I had hoped. I’ve learned to accept that I can only do my best every day. I can’t be perfect 100% of the time, and I have someone that loves me despite my ripped pants and morning mohawk.
3. Devote some time to your partner every single day. Whether it’s over a glass of wine, during a walk with the dog, or while cooking dinner, make time–without cell phones, iPads, and computers–to check in with each other. You’ll appreciate their day, and they will gain insight into yours.
4. He can’t read my mind. SHOCKING, I know. But I found myself becoming really frustrated at times because M left a dish in the sink (which is three inches from the empty dishwasher), or didn’t refill the Brita, or was leaving all the morning chores for me to do. I would stew and stew and stew until I would just snap at him for a tiny little thing. So, I did a little introspection and realized I knew why I was upset, but he didn’t. So, I started saying something when I wasn’t happy with something that he was doing. And you know what? We now split the morning chores. Dishes only occasionally find their way into the sink. The Brita refilling hasn’t really caught on, but I’m willing to accept that responsibility until we move in six weeks and upgrade to a water dispenser in the fridge door!
5. Laugh. At each other, together, and at yourself. Always and often.